Spirit Day: MAKE IT BETTER…

As I have mentioned in previous posts on the matter of the recent rash of youthful suicides due to homophobic bullying, many efforts are taking place across the nation to address this matter. Today, October 20, 2010, has been declared “Spirit Day” in honor of these youths, and people have been encouraged to wear purple in solidarity and for awareness of the issue.

I support this measure, but I personally believe people need to do more than just wear purple and show solidarity.

Dan Savage and many other celebrities and everyday LGBTQI individual have taken part in the “It Gets Better” project, making video statements of encouragement for those who are enduring bullying in school and telling them that things will improve, and that high school sucks for everyone. A lot of other people in my wider circles of association lately have been sharing their own stories of having been bullied in school, or at home, or in various other areas of their life and history. It is heart-wrenching to read these things, and the overall message of encouragement is a good thing, and I’m in support of it happening.

However, I have not taken part in the project, and I don’t plan to, because of two primary reasons:

1) I feel as though I would be lying if I said “It Gets Better” to teenagers who are undergoing homophobic bullying, because I can’t assure that such would be the case. I was not out in high school, and the last major homophobic bullying I underwent was in middle school; that one incident left me so upset that I retreated from social activities altogether in high school, and never gave bullies any opportunity to say or do anything to me…and it was miserable. When I was in college, and was finally able to come out, I was at one of the most liberal colleges for LGBTQI issues in the world, and I had more homophobic incidents against me than I did in all of high school. I then went to a graduate school where a friend I made in the first few weeks of my attendance was getting death-threats in the aftermath of Matthew Shepard’s slaying. I’ve had some of the most disgusting hate-filled e-mails and attempted demeanings against me in my life as a result of doing blogs like this and being available as a resource on the internet for queer spirituality. I cannot in good conscience say “It Gets Better” for everyone, because it doesn’t necessarily–some places and environments will never be better if the current trends continue; and no matter where you end up, or how much pride you end up having, or how good your circle of friends and community support happens to be (and mine is both great and essential to my continued sanity!), there are always going to be people who think they can knock you down for whatever reason based on issues of gender identity and sexual orientation.

2) Which leads me to the second point: “it” doesn’t get better; you just learn to put up with it more, and as you grow stronger in your own sense of self and identity, it bothers you less that other people think these things, say these things, and could potentially threaten you with physical violence and worse (as happened recently in New Jersey to several people)…but, you push through it and you don’t let them frighten you or bother you or dissuade you from living your life the way you want to live it. Every time I step into an LGBTQI event, or a march, or a gathering, it is possible some homophobe with serious insecurities and some religiously-inspired foolish notions may come in and decide to attack me or my friends. I hope it doesn’t happen, but I prepare for the contingency that it might. And as far as I’m concerned, they can bring it all they want–they will not get me without a damn good fight.

So, yes, one hopes that it does get better, but I cannot assure that it will for everyone or that such is the case everywhere in the world. Giving the message to teenagers that you just have to put up with it and tough it out (and that one is possibly deficient if one doesn’t feel up to it or can’t do it) is not a good thing, in my estimation–it seems like blaming the victim to me, and I am totally against that.

What can one do, then? I have two suggestions. Given that this is a religion and spirituality blog, and one specifically devoted to a particular form of queer theology, my answers are religious/spiritual in nature.

1) One of the cornerstones of my Antinoan practice is the “Prayer Against Persecution.” It can be found in The Phillupic Hymns, but I will give it in a separate entry in a few moments as well. It is a prayer that is said at most of our public rituals; it is the prayer that an aspiring Mystes Antínoou says before undergoing the Mysteries of Antinous; it is a prayer that has been incredibly effective in achieving direct results of feeling strengthened and more peaceful whenever I have used it. If you are interested in Antinous, and would like to do the prayer, you are absolutely free to do so.

2) There is also a spell I have recently written that should be effective in, if nothing else strengthening one’s resolve and one’s own fortitude in the face of homophobic bullying; and, hopefully, it will also address some of the problem of homophobic bullying at its very root–dominant religious ideologies that suggest it is okay to demean, persecute, or even kill LGBTQI people. I will give that in a separate entry here in a moment.

I also might explain some of the theologies and ideas behind each of these practices in a future post, but most importantly, I want to make these spiritual tools available for people to use if they are faced with homophobia. They may give you more strength and peace to carry on despite the difficulties; they may give you more of a sense of what sort of difficulties we face when confronting these issues, and to name them–and by naming them, to have power to overcome their influences rather than being terrorized by them. It is what I am able to do right now that doesn’t require major institutional changes or the ability to fund large and expensive educational programs or shelters for at-risk youths. But, in their own little way, perhaps saying this prayer and doing this spell will help to change the world, if done assiduously and with devotion.

May Antinous make it so!