PantheaCon and Gender Matters…

I am back to my home (and, more importantly, my home shrine to Antinous and the other gods) from PantheaCon now, and there is a great deal that I want to write here about in the aftermath of it–mostly good things!–as well as further matters that I had hoped to get to before leaving which I didn’t have time for. I’ve made a list of the most pertinent matters, and will be getting to them over the next week, if all goes well.

However, there is one major thing that needs to be dealt with, I feel, before getting to any of those worthy and interesting topics. While I will be dealing with this matter in two sections here, I see them as rather intertwined, not only because I think they are, but because I am to some extent involved in both of them. And both matters have to do with gender, in the forms of gender identity and gender discrimination.

[Yes, that's me in the leopard print fez...]

First, I’d like to draw your attention to a recording of one of the panels I was on on Friday, February 18, 2011 at PantheaCon, sponsored by the Circle of Dionysos, called “Walking It Out: Gay Paganism’s Second Wave,” which occurred from 3:30 to 5:00 PM (the second slot of the con’) in the Silicon Valley room of the Double Tree in San Jose, CA, U.S.A., in North America, on Earth, in Sector One (if you use the Starfleet reckoning of such). The description in the program book for PantheaCon ran as follows:

The Unnamed Path, The Amethyst Pentacle, Ekklesía Antínoou, The Circle of Dionysos: in the past several years a flurry of pagan groups and practices specifically geared to the LGBT community have emerged and caught the attention of the larger pagan community. Why is this happening? What are the similarities and differences between the various paths? What value does this work have for not only GLBTQ pagans, but also for the larger pagan community? Join Hyperion, Storm Faerywolf, DK Cowan, and P. Sufenas Virius Lupus for a round table discussion of these and other topics related to second wave gay paganism.

The Wild Hunt mentioned this panel the other day, and the recording of the panel (apart from a few minutes of D.K. Cowan’s remarks in the middle of the session) can be found here, so you can listen to it for yourself. (And, if you are going to comment on the content of the matters addressed there, please do listen to it beforehand, as that will clear up a lot of the possible confusions involved!) Some of the comments on The Wild Hunt entry there are interesting to read, and several of us who were involved in the session did get involved in making those comments or responding to them…

In back-channel discussions before this panel (and PantheaCon) began, we discussed how appropriate the term “Second Wave Gay Paganism” was–and perhaps a future post on this blog can be dedicated to that discussion, if people reading are interested–but one of the major concerns that emerged both in the panel itself (toward the end) and in discussions beforehand, as well as the comments on The Wild Hunt, was the title of the panel versus the description, and how the members of the panel seemed slanted more toward gay spirituality than the more all-inclusive queer spiritualities mentioned in the description. In reality, the only one of the four groups represented that is essentially gay-exclusive is the Unnamed Path (and, note, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing), as all of the other groups do include any queer person (and even potentially straight people!) in their activities, and much of the Unnamed Path’s public work is for the benefit of anyone and everyone as well. So, while there might be some concerns about racial, gender, and sexual orientation diversity in terms of the panel’s composition, I think it was still useful and worthwhile, and the many people who attended seemed to concur.

While I am on the topic of the panel, I would like to just address a few matters in relation to some of the content of it in particular. I have been involved with the “Yes They Are!: Meeting and Greeting the Queerest of Gods” ritual at PantheaCon, which the Circle of Dionysos organizes and runs each year, since its inception in 2009. (In ’09, I was Gwydion; in ’10, I was Hanuman; in ’11, I was Set–and I’ll have much more to say about Set later in this entry, as well as in subsequent ones.) D.K. Cowan is also a Lupercus in the Ekklesía Antínoou since 2009 (our ritual that year was right before “Yes They Are!” so myself and several others ended up running from one to the other!), and in our ritual drama last weekend, he played Antinous, so we have a bit of history working together, and I fully support his work and that of his partner, Hayden Reynolds (about whom I’ll have more to say in future posts on this most recent PantheaCon), as well as the Circle of Dionysos generally. I do feel that there was something of a “split,” as it were, that is more conceptual than actual, that was witnessed in the opening parts of the panel presentation, between what D.K. and myself were discussing, and what Hyperion and Storm were discussing, in terms of the latter’s statements that they are not academics or intellectuals, and that what work they’ve done has “come to them” through intuition or direct revelation, as if this somehow contrasts to what D.K. and myself said. I am certain that D.K.’s work, and that of the Circle of Dionysos, is deeply experiential and gnostic (in the most basic sense), based in direct contact with the divine realities concerned at each point. For myself, my own research and investigation either leads to further experience, or my own experiences end up being confirmed by further research–there is a constant interplay between the two, and I don’t think I’m alone in assuming there is tremendous value in that fact. I am in general not very comfortable with the assumption, on the part of far too many people in a variety of situations, that “intellectual” or “research” or “reconstruction” automatically means “not mystical,” and for this reason, my friend and colleague Disirdottir’s recent discussion of the label “Mystical Reconstructionist” is extremely useful, and one that I would happily apply to myself. Why far too many people assume the contrary without having to be told is, if you’ll not excuse the pun, a mystery to me…

I was also a little bit surprised, in the course of the panel, that Hyperion said one of our functions as queer people is to challenge everything possible, and when we do, we’re doing things right…but then, after I mentioned that I am not of a typical gender identity or a gay sexuality, he seemed then to respond in such a way as to suggest that in doing what I was doing, I was going to “the other extreme” at the opposite end of a strictly binary or dualistic notion of gender, gender polarity, and such, when he in fact didn’t have the sufficient information to assume that my gender identity is to be “genderless” or any such thing. Apparently, my questioning of the entire edifice of gender, my queering of it, in essence, didn’t sit well with him…which is intriguing…

In the interests of full disclosure, I attended both Hyperion’s Unnamed Path workshop in 2008 and Storm Faerywolf’s Amethyst Pentacle workshop back in 2009. Both were well-attended, and many of the people present seemed to get a lot out of these events and practices. I, personally, did not, but I certainly support them in doing these things, and in others getting something out of them. I spoke several times with Hyperion before and after our panel, and said hello to him in passing, and he is an affable and very likable fellow, and I’d be very interested in speaking further with him in various ways and via diverse media in the future, including in-person at future PantheaCons. Unfortunately, I was never formally introduced to Storm before nor after the panel, nor really in the course of it, and I did not see him for the rest of PantheaCon–I was extremely busy, however, and I assume that he probably was as well. I do not bear any ill will toward either of these august and wonderful individuals, and I think the work they’re doing is great, even though I may not agree point-for-point with them on it, and even despite some potential misunderstandings and miscommunications that may have occurred during the course of the panel. (It would have been useful to have had a debriefing session of the whole thing after it took place between us, perhaps, to address some of these issues, but that would have been nearly impossible without major forward planning, which simply wasn’t possible on the occasion itself.) If either Hyperion or Storm Faerywolf would like to respond to anything I’ve written here (and, indeed, D.K. and Hayden as well, and anyone else who was in attendance on the occasion), or to anything that was mentioned in the panel presentation/discussion itself, please feel free to do so in the comments to this blog entry.

The second major issue of gender and discrimination that emerged at PantheaCon was as the result of a session that took place on Saturday night at 7 PM. It was not an event that I attended, as I was going to another one–and in any case, I would not have been admitted if I had decided to attend, as you will learn presently. It was occurring right next to the room where I was attending an event, however, and the queue for entry into the ritual concerned was huge–as I approached the other room to enter into it for the other event, someone accosted me and said “Are you going to the Lilith ritual?” I said “No,” and that was that. It turned out there was much more at stake…

Let me give you the program book description, as well as the short write-up on the group that was giving the ritual, for this event on Saturday night at 7 PM.

The Rite of Lilith

Amazon Priestess Tribe

Dark Queen, known to all as the One Who Would Not Be Conquered. Matron Goddess of fierce women who know their power. Sacred whore of antiquity, whose lust purifies and cleanses. Join the Amazon Priestess Tribe for an ecstatic, undulating, life-affirming ritual in honor of Lilith. This ritual will be skyclad to the degree you are comfortable, so please come prepared with a light wrap or blanket as needed.

Amazon Priestess Tribe

The Amazon Priestess Tribe is C[ome] A[s] Y[ou] A[re] Coven’s spiritual sisterhood of High Priestesses in the Amazon Dianic Tradition. Founded by Rabbit, this Tribe of “queens among queens” serves the Goddess by creating powerful, transformational, evocative rituals designed to honor the beauty, intellect, power, and wisdom of all women. Join us for women’s clothing-optional Sabbats in the East Bay. www.cayacoven.com

In both the table giving the event details in the program book and circulating independently, as well as next to the description of the ritual, there was the “eye” symbol, “indicating there are limits for admission.” However, as you can see from the above description, such limits aren’t exactly stated clearly, apart from there being people present who would be skyclad (i.e. ritually nude).

This was the only event that the Amazon Priestess Tribe of Come As You Are Coven was putting on at PantheaCon 2011, though Come As You Are Coven had quite a full representation at the con’, with several events done by the group or subgroups within it. They are a major force in local paganism in the Bay Area, and they are also the tribal allies of the Ekklesía Antínoou through the Communalia ritual that we enacted in 2009. Rabbit herself is a friend of mine from back in our college days in New York, and I am very sorry that last weekend, we only saw each other once in passing and hardly had a moment to speak.

The difficulty which emerged in this ritual was that a male, and several transwomen, wanted to attend the ritual, but were turned away at the door. If I understand correctly, those turned away did not interpret the program description given in the book as being something which would be exclusively available for participation to genetic females (or “women-born-women,” as some prefer), and were thus rather upset when they had cleared their schedules and waited in line to attend ending up having their admission refused. Given the legacy of transphobia and gender-based discrimination against trans people, this pushed a lot of buttons immediately for many of them, and quite understandably so. An event was created to discuss this matter at 11 AM on Monday morning–a time slot that suddenly had become free due to a cancellation–and so a discussion of the issues surrounding this was held. Unfortunately, in that same time slot, one of our Ekklesía Antínoou events was also being held (a panel discussion called “Antinous Is Not Just For Pretty Boys!” about which I’ll have more to say in the days to come), and many of our own members and others in attendance at our panel were eager to also attend that session, so we went over to it as soon as our own session ended. I only caught about the last fifteen minutes of the discussion, unfortunately, but did catch some of the basic themes that I understood had been introduced throughout. There was a lot of anger and upset remaining even toward the end, but at least everyone was attempting to engage with the others and was not degenerating into personal arguments or being offensive toward one another, as far as I had observed. (If those who were present for the entirety have more to say on this, I’d be very interested to know what happened and what your own experiences and perceptions were.)

While I was there, someone did phrase the entire issue as a matter of “gender discrimination vs. religious freedom.” This is, alas, quite unfortunate, because no one in their right mind at PantheaCon would suggest that either one of those matters is a good thing in and of itself, and no one would intentionally (in most cases) decide to do something that was either discriminatory based on gender or to impede another’s religious freedom. So, I think that was really a false dichotomy to set up. The real issue was a matter of clear communication, and then dealing with the fallout of such after it became obvious that communication had not been clear. The people who were excluded did not try to stop the event from occurring, or to suggest that no such further events could occur at future PantheaCons, so I think the religious freedom issue is really a will-o’-the-wisp. The gender discrimination matter was quite real, I think, in the moment, with the lack of clear communication, and so it was responded to as such; but, there are a great many events at PantheaCon each year that are said to be for women only, and they have gone according to plan and with little (if any) opposition previously, and I can only assume that such will continue to be the case in the future.

There is one thing that particularly upsets me about this situation. The Ekklesía Antínoou is an ally of Come As You Are Coven, not only because I am friends with Rabbit, but because it has been important to me, in making such alliances, to continue on in the best traditions of the past. The Lanuvium cultus of Antinous and Diana, I think, presents an excellent model for the cooperation between gay men and lesbians–something that has not always occurred as smoothly nor as often as one might wish!–even though that was not the intention nor the understanding of the original people involved in that particular cultus. As was mentioned in the panel discussion linked to above at PantheaCon, this model of god-goddess relationship is not one based on them being consorts of one another, rather they share common interests in hunting, their location (Lanuvium was Diana’s domain par excellence), and in the salvation (quite literally!) of their devotees. Further, and more importantly, this model presents for those of us who are modern devotees of Antinous a model of divine cooperation that should be mirrored by us as his devotees in terms of our associations and alliances with devotees of Diana, and Dianic pagans are one such group that I have hoped to actively cultivate. Come As You Are Coven is one such group, and I hope there are others. I cannot say that I’m happy with how things have gone in this situation, but C.A.Y.A. is under no obligation to seek our approval, despite being our allies; likewise, as allies we are not obliged to automatically accept or approve of anything and everything that each of us happen to do. But, I can say that I personally believe they did not intentionally set out to alienate anyone, nor are they a group that springs readily to mind when gender discrimination and transphobia are mentioned, and I don’t think they automatically deserve to be called that as a result of this one communication oversight. I do invite vigorous debate of this matter here in the comments, however.

I do think one other major issue emerges as a result of these two incidents at PantheaCon, namely, the issue of intention versus perception. Each person is responsible for both of these things in themselves, and difficulties inevitably arise when someone else does not take responsibility for their own perceptions’ interpretations nor the clear communication of their intentions. This is a particularly thorny issue when it comes to gender presentation, especially for those of us who do not identify with one of the conventional genders thought to be “the only options” for people in the modern world. If I present myself as a metagender person, or if I identify as such, I don’t expect people to automatically know what that means or what that should look like; nonetheless, I do expect to be respected in that identity, and that others will not try to “talk me out of it” or convince me that their own perceptions or ideas on gender are better or more appropriate or more applicable to me, just as I would expect something similar when I tell them about my sexual orientation, or my religious identification and practice, or my political beliefs. Some of those things are open for debate, I think, and all of them can certainly be discussed in a non-confrontational and friendly and respectful manner; but, no one should attempt to convince me that I’m “wrong” simply because someone else’s views or perceptions differ from mine. I am not very interested in being the sort of mental fascist that demands that others see me in the way I see myself, and so I’m not too insistent on making sure other people use certain pronouns for me, or that they accept my identification as “valid” or true for themselves–but, those who do are far more likely to be people I want to hang around with. (In fact, I can say with utter certainty that the very best sexual experience I had in my life was one in which the others involved both accepted every implication of my gender identity as true and valid and something that they found appealing and attractive. Would that there were more such experiences in my life up until now…but, one harbors great hopes for the future in that regard!) Just as I don’t mind if someone who is of another religion and thinks I’m damned for not being their religion think that, so long as they don’t make it an issue in their interactions with me, I’m also fine with others not “believing” or accepting my gender identity as long as they don’t expect me to conform to their own perceptions of what I should be, including getting upset when I express no interest in nor identification with the labels “man,” “male,” and various other such indicators.

That is where perception and intention come into conflict. If my intentions do not land with others, that is not my fault, particularly if I have not communicated them clearly. If others’ perceptions of me do not match my own perceptions, intentions, or expressions, and they get mad at me because that is the case, that is also not my own responsibility nor my own fault. I meet people all the time who have perceptions of themselves that many would think are unreal, unbelievable, or are simply undesirable, and yet I do my utmost in every situation to accept them for what they say they are. Sometimes, I readily admit, it’s hard–people introducing themselves as various forms of non-humanoid otherkin (say, a dragon) are sometimes a little bit difficult to parse initially, but I’m certainly willing to admit that I don’t have the internal insight into their particular reality that they do, and thus I’m not really qualified to say. My own interactions with, perceptions of, and experiences relating to Antinous are also primarily internal realities, and I expect others–particularly co-religionists and other pagans–to accept these as valid in my dealings with them, and most are willing to do this. My relationship with gender falls into the same category, as it does for many trans people, whatever their “physical realities” or genetics may supposedly indicate to the contrary. Gender-diverse and gender-queer people are even more in that category, and it sucks to be challenged on such issues whenever they come up. As one example, you might have a listen to the discussion from PantheaCon ’10 on “Earth-Based Religions: Are We Really?” which T. Thorn Coyle had with Z. Budapest, amongst others, and when Thorn identified as a masculine woman or “a gay man in a woman’s body,” she was immediately contradicted by several other people on the panel…see how this works? It sucks, and it shouldn’t have to be like that. But, for many of us, it is.

In this year’s “Yes They Are!” ritual, I portrayed the Egyptian god Set, who is becoming much more important in my own personal pantheon than he had been previously as a result, and a great deal remains to be done with him than I had at first envisioned when I took on this role. His main message to the people present at “Yes They Are!”, however, was one having to do with the idea that anyone is “too queer” or “not queer enough” amongst various queer communities. This happens all the time, and it drives me nuts, personally. A lot of the messages at “Yes They Are!” were (and have traditionally been) directed towards the opposition and discrimination queer people face from the “outside world,” the hostile forces socially, politically, and religiously that keep us down and that attempt to enslave us. Indeed, these are awful and hideous, and we must remain vigilant against them and their messages very much indeed. But, we also have to do some work on these same types of issues within our own communities, even when they are not manifestations of some of those same larger forces of homophobia, transphobia, and biphobia that come from the overculture (although they often are such manifestations). One may not have to agree with everything that happens in the queer community, nor approve of every lifestyle or activity found within it; but, one should not exclude others from the community, or actively work against their presence and their acceptance. To do this has always, to me, felt like being just as oppressive and discriminatory as the larger overculture and its particular institutions (especially religious ones), so I am particularly sensitive to these issues, and to making radical inclusiveness a possibility wherever it can be managed, including in the daily running of the Ekklesía Antínoou. I’ve not always succeeded, for various reasons, but I am trying very very hard to make this a reality…

In any case, I’ll have more to say about Set, and about PantheaCon more generally, as well as further topics, in the coming days. Please feel free to give as much feedback and discussion on these matters in this entry as you would like, however, in the meantime; and I look forward to reading and responding further on these matters in due course!