In this very moment, I’m waiting–to use the bathroom for the last time today at work before I catch my bus–and I find I’ve got more time than usual to wait for that event.
I’m also waiting on an oracle from Polydeukion.
I’m also waiting for the festival of Antinous/Dionysos Epiphanes in December, and also the events of the various feasts of Saturnalia.
I’m also waiting for my next paycheck, and for certain things to arrive in the mail.
I find that this time of year involves an awful lot of waiting…
And, I’m relatively all right with that.
I hear a lot of the phrase “I can’t wait until…” about any number of things these days. Younger people in particular use it a lot during this time of year, because they “can’t wait” to see what presents they’re getting from family and friends on this most consumerist time of year.
I’m hoping to use this occasion of waiting–because, after Natalis Antinoi, there aren’t really any truly “huge” holy days for Antinous specifically until later in January, and very little in the beginning of December–to instead try and sharpen my senses and attune my attention to the sudden and unexpected appearance of Antinous and any of my other gods, heroes, ancestors, and other divine beings…which can occur at any time and in any place, and generally often has previously, independent of my own convenience or schedule or their calendar of holy days and the sacred seasons of the year.
For certain things, I really can’t wait–for the end of this week, for the end of this quarter, for the beginning of next quarter which will mean more work but also health insurance, etc.–but for many many others, simply waiting is the best I can do, and it’s starting to become a comfortable, and even comforting, situation to be in.
I’m reminded, as a final thought, of Simone Weil Sancta‘s posthumous book, Waiting for God (or, sometimes, Waiting on God)…which, I suspect, ultimately was the inspiration for the absurdist play by Beckett, “Waiting for Godot.” If “waiting for Antinous” is truly a “waiting game,” though, I wonder if that then implies that there is someone who will win it…?!?