Posted by: aediculaantinoi | October 11, 2012

National Coming Out Day…Sort Of…

Today was National Coming Out Day, which I’ve sometimes celebrated over the last few years as Coming Out to Ancestors Day.

I could have had a coming out of another sort today as well: even though my supervisor at work knows I’m queer, and also knows I’m a polytheist, and several others I work with know this, some know I’m queer but don’t know I’m a polytheist (I don’t think I know of anyone who knows I’m a polytheist but not queer, though…?!?). I have been wanting to decorate my (shared) office a little bit, though, because there’s nothing I hate more than blank walls, especially when I can be spending up to seven hours or more a day in such a space. So, I want to put up a picture of Antinous I was recently given, and also a small poster of Panchamukha Hanuman. However, I haven’t yet because I’ve been so busy with actual work in that office that I have barely had time to eat or use the bathroom some days…Hopefully next week, though–likely on Wednesday, as Monday is set to be pretty hectic…

I was also recently approached to perhaps co-advise the campus LGBTQ and allies group, and I said I’d be happy to. The first meeting for the quarter will be Tuesday, but I won’t be able to make it. However, in the meantime, I asked the advisor to send out a message about National Coming Out Day today, and even volunteered to draft it and have her okay it. The advisor wrote back this morning saying “Nope, not possible–messages have to be approved two or three days ahead of time.” Oh…I had no idea, given the large volume of e-mail to my college account daily from all sorts of people. This is one of those situations where well-meaning but clueless heterosexuals who feel better about themselves by “helping” to “support” queer people might end up doing less good than they think…I know there are rules in place over all of this, but at the same time, there was very much a “shut-down” feeling to the rather cold and curt response I got today.

So, it wasn’t much of a “coming out” day for me, in any respect. I sort of feel as if I’ve failed as a result, but I don’t know how much wiggle room I have within my job at present, being it’s pretty tenuous on a variety of levels.

How about y’all: how was your Coming Out Day? Are there things you would like to come out more about, but haven’t been able to thus far?

(I will not have much e-mail contact between now and Monday evening, as I have an event to attend over the weekend, and much of Friday, and all of Sunday evening and Monday until noon will be spent traveling back and forth. If I’m slow to getting to comments or responding meanwhile, that’s why.)


  1. I am very, very lucky, in that I work in public education in a very conservative state, but have been able to be out to my immediate boss as Pagan pretty much since I started at my current location. (This was, sadly, necessary on my part – a rather nasty storm of Witch Wars had struck the local community, and one unpleasant individual had outed three people as Witches and/or Pagans while threatening to out others. I figured, better they hear it from me.) I am neither specifically closeted nor specifically out as bi/pan at work – those of my colleagues who have cared to ask, know, and it simply hasn’t come up otherwise. The only closet I’m in there is the poly closet, and that’s because my contract has a morality clause – theoretically, I could get fired for what is technically adultery, although I doubt anyone in my chain of command would actually do so.

    I would like to be more out to my family than I am. At the moment, my siblings know about all of the above; my parents have figured out that I’m no longer Christian and have not dug further, and I’m reluctant to press the issue.

    • That makes things even more complicated, certainly…

      Poly, as well as BDSM/fetish things, are very far from being acceptable outside of certain communities at this point, unfortunately: queer people are comfortable with both, and pagans/polytheists are as well (for the most part in both cases), but either pagan and/or queer are far more acceptable generally speaking than those two. While I am poly, I’m also single, and generally have been, so it’s kind of a moot point in certain respects to come out about at this stage; the BDSM/fetish thing, though, is known by some people (including some family members), and isn’t a huge deal either–but, again, I hardly get to do any of that these days (and haven’t been able to for years).

  2. OT, but I just wanted to say that I ordered my copy of Devotio Antinoo yesterday, it has already shipped, and it is predicted to arrive on Tuesday! The original estimated arrival was the 24th, so I am delighted to be getting it sooner.

    • Awesome!

      One of the best things about CreateSpace is that their estimates for shipping are almost always way over-done, and things arrive much sooner than expected. (The same cannot be said for Lulu even remotely…)

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