I’ve wanted deeply to be able to write something more substantial in this blog for weeks; I’ve got a few drafts of news-update-y sort of posts just waiting to be rolled out, and a few more meaty ones as well, but have just not had the time to properly digest and introduce them.
And, I’ve got another one that is forming which will most certainly become an essay (or part of one) in some book or other publication down the line (likely by me, from The Red Lotus Library), but I’ll have to save that one for you for another time, too…perhaps later this month. I had hoped to do it today, but then I was waylaid by someone with more conspiracy theories per square second that it was like I was talking to David Icke, the Ancient Aliens guy, and some crackpot who doesn’t understand Indo-European linguistics and is simultaneously a biblical literalist without being a Christian or a fundamentalist but is also a “Satanic Panic” person and a Cthulhu literalist…crikey, it’s been a weird morning. (And, I wish I were kidding about the above, and it was just as bad as that is described without any hyperbolae or exaggeration on my part…in fact, I’m leaving out a lot of the stuff for brevity’s sake, and also my sanity.)
But, I return to my subject line above: “the best laid plans…”
PantheaCon is less than four days away at this point; by this time on Friday, I’ll be in San Jose, at the Double Tree, likely with less sleep than I’ve had now (1.5 hours tops), all registered and having visited the Green Room, and will be greeting passing people and getting ready for my presentation at 1:30 on the Ephesia Grammata.
There is still A LOT to prepare, including the entirety of one ritual, the final plans on another, some organizational details on a few other things, packing, perhaps more laundry, locating some items, remembering all of the others, and some personal rendezvous negotiations. Various issues have arisen, and the full load of participants I need for certain things will likely not be possible, which is annoying…and, many beloved friends, colleagues, and co-religionists will not be present this year, which is sad, as their presence and encouragement would go a long way in helping to fend off some of the impending feelings of failure and inadequacy that may accompany this particular PantheaCon for me, at very least.
But, the main thing I’m going to report here is something I’ve wanted to share for a while now.
Late last year, I mentioned some poems that I had written that didn’t get published as planned, and alluded to the possibility of doing a book featuring them. Since that time, I’ve been compiling poems I’ve written for goddesses since the time I wrote and published The Phillupic Hymns in 2008. While the overall number of poems in that is rather a lot, I’ve also been writing some new ones since conceiving this project. You’ve seen some of them over the past forty-one days, but this is a small fraction of them: I’ve actually written well over a hundred new poems in that time (though some of them are short). I was hoping to have that out as a book in time for PantheaCon, with the books in my hand at the convention to sell to anyone who might like one, but it hasn’t happened. I am done with the book’s content, but some of it still needs to be typed up (about 19 longer poems, and around fifty or so short poems), and the rest of the book needs to be formatted, etc. This delay now means that I can do an index of first lines, and perhaps even a name index as well; but, needless to say, I’m very upset and disappointed that I have not been able to get it done in time for my trip later this week.
The title of that book, however, when it comes out will be For the Queens of Heaven: Poems For The Goddesses. The goddesses honored are not just the “Queens of Heaven,” by any means, but since it was that group of poems that prompted the whole collection, they get the honor of being named in the title.
Furthermore, I was also hoping to get a further short book out by the time of PantheaCon, to accompany my Ephesia Grammata workshop in the first session. It will be the shortest book I’ve yet written–really just an extended essay, but one for more practical usage and information rather than a comprehensive study of the subject. The structure of it is entirely clear to me now; and, one piece of information that I swore I had read years ago (and alluded to here) was finally located by me the other day, which I mentioned in this post: namely, the statement that a certain group of gender-variant priests used the Ephesia Grammata for divination. So, now I know I didn’t hallucinate that notion in 2012…however, having followed up the references given, I can’t find any corroboration of that, unfortunately. Nonetheless, I think it is a viable system, and will be speaking more about that on Friday at PantheaCon for any who are able to attend. Those who can’t but are still interested will be able to get the book which will contain everything included in that presentation (and much more!) in the next month or so as well. It will be called The Ephesia Grammata: An Historical and Practical Guide.
I’m sad that neither of these is going to happen before PantheaCon; I will be bringing a limited number of copies of my other books with me to sell, in case anyone is interested, but it’s always great to have a book based directly on one’s presentation, which is also cheap, to offer to people right after…that could have offset much of my costs for the con’ in general, but that isn’t going to be happening.
For this, I am sorry–and not just to any of you who might have wanted to get them, and to myself and my personal ficus, but also (and especially) to the Goddesses that I hold very dear indeed, and without whom Antinous’ spirituality and devotional life (in life and in death and deification, and for his devotees today) would be far poorer, if not non-existent. This kind of failure happens to all of us, certainly, but it is still no excuse for allowing things like stress, trivial matters, and simple procrastination preventing me from getting it done on a timeline that I expected was reasonable for somewhat-exceptional mortal writers.